Here’s the quick answer: the more you know yourself, the easier it is to put yourself first. In other words, if you want to prioritize your needs, first you have to know what they are. Now let’s dive deeper and I’ll tell you the real reasons why it is important to know yourself.
***
“If I’m not a physiotherapist anymore… who am I?”
It was a Monday morning in June. I was lying awake in my bed. That morning, I didn’t have to go to work… because I was officially unemployed.
And I felt totally lost.
A few weeks before, I had given my leave notice at work. I had had enough.
I wasn’t feeling fulfilled, I didn’t love my job and I felt like I didn’t have any purpose. It was enough for me to decide to quit.
So I quit.
Little did I know I was embarking on a quest to find myself again.
So here I was. Feeling completely free but also totally oblivious to what I was going to do next.
What WAS I going to do next?!
I didn’t fit in any job description, and I didn’t want to go back to school.
What I really wanted, deep down, was to find myself. To find a sense of purpose.
I used to define myself with my job title. I was, for a long time, “a physiotherapist”.
And that’s why, before I went on that profound personal growth journey, I was completely lost.
Today, I deeply understand that physiotherapy was my profession, not my identity.
I can confidently say that I have detached myself from titles and descriptions that are outside of me.
And I can confidently say that getting to know myself was the most important part in my journey to glowing up with self-confidence.
And now, I want to help you go through the same transformation.
Here are the real, deep reasons why it is important to know yourself better.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO KNOW YOURSELF
1. KNOW YOURSELF TO GET a massive increase in YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
The more you get to know yourself, the more you become aware of our own worth.
Practically, it means you don’t tie your value to what other people think of you. And you are far less scared of being judged.
Knowing yourself better strengthens your sense of identity, which bulletproofs you again the judgment of other people.
You learn to define yourself by your values, character and personality rather than by superficial things such as a status or a job title.
For example, you might attach your value to a social status or title. But think about it… what happens if you lose that title? Let me tell you: you lose your sense of self. In other words, you feel completely lost.
It is important to know yourself to stop identifying as a title, a status, or even a person.
You true identity relies on your values, character and personality traits. These things do not change over time.
2. overcome THE FEELING OF NOT BEING good ENOUGH BY KNOWING YOURSELF
Are you often being hard on yourself?
Are you a perfectionist?
Do you have trouble letting go or making decisions?
Or maybe you’ve found yourself giving your heart and soul to someone who wasn’t quite reciprocating…
That’s because deep down you might not always believe you deserve to be loved.
The feeling of not being good enough is often omnipresent in our lives, especially as women.
Whether it’s at work, in friendships, with family, in love…
Regardless, if you listen to that annoying voice constantly telling you that you are not enough, you are likely to act accordingly.
This can lead to not be able to set personal boundaries… you might even not know what they are.
Sorry if that was harsh.
But I really want you to understand why it is important to know yourself.
By understanding the deep reasons that lead you to act and think the way you do, you’ll be able to change it.
If you want to make a real change a behaviour, you have to be aware of what needs to change first.
3. KNOW YOURSELF AND YOU’LL Master YOUR EMOTIONS
I believe I don’t need to tell you that managing emotions has a huge impact on long-term quality of life.
To understand your emotions, you must first be able to recognize them.
And to recognize them, you have to give yourself the right to feel them.
This seems very simple, but we have often been told to not have emotions to “stay strong”.
This is probably the most damageable lie I have ever believed in my life.
And chances are, you as well.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE, LABEL AND EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS
Everyone feels emotions. Daily.
Like it or not, you are human.
Even if you try and suppress your emotions, they exist.
Knowing yourself makes it easier to feel, label, and express your emotions the healthy way.
And if you don’t allow yourself to express them, they can (or rather, will) manifest as physical pain.
By the way.
Take it from a former physiotherapist; somatic pain is a pain you feel without evidence of a physical wound. And it’s very real, and proven scientifically.
WHAT WILL BENEFIT FROM MASTERING YOUR EMOTIONS
Your Relationships: managing conflicts without letting emotions take over. Avoid saying things that you will regret later.
Your Physical health: as mentioned earlier, the risk of somatic pain is reduced.
Your Mental health:* for obvious reasons.*
4. THE MORE YOU KNOW YOURSELF, THE BETTER YOU’LL BECOME AT MAKING DECISIONS
Are you an overthinker?
Do you ruminate over every decision you have to make?
Do you need to make never ending pros and cons lists, and always doubt yourself for the decisions you’re making?
KNOW YOUR NEEDS AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
When you can’t make decisions easily, it’s often because we don’t know what’s really important to you.
You believe you know what you want. You have a list of criteria.
So why can’t you choose?
Because the fear of missing out takes over when we don’t know our priorities.
If you can’t connect with what you really want, you’ll only worry about what you’re going to miss by eliminating an option.
The reality is that there is rarely a single solution to a problem.
On the market, for example, there’s almost no product or service that you can’t find. And they’re probably all as good as another.
In reality, we have so many options that it is very unlikely we can make a REALLY bad decision.
So why ruminate? And why is it important to know yourself to overcome the incapacity of making a decision?
Because of the paradox of choice.
what’s THE PARADOX OF CHOICE
That’s when we get paralyzed and don’t make any choice because we have too many options.
Too many options causes anxiety.
The fear of missing out (FOMO) and the fear of making a mistake makes you ruminate.
The solution? Getting clear on your priorities.
And it all comes down to the importance knowing yourself and being in touch with your own needs.
5. YOU’LL ASSERT YOURSELF WITH MORE CONFIDENCE
Tell me you love to negotiate your salary…
That’s what I thought.
Is it easy for you is it to express to someone that you’re uncomfortable with something they did?
Yeah, for me neither.
Have you ever felt guilty for being angry or disappointed with a friend?
Have you ever repressed negative emotions because you felt bad communicating them?
Maybe you’ve often said to yourself “ah, that’s nothing, I’ll just get over it”.
It’s okay to overlook behaviours that we don’t like once in a while. We can show tolerance and compassion by doing do.
But on the other hand these behaviors can be harmful in the long term if shown repeatedly.
There is a fine line between being compassionate and letting yourself be pounded for being too tolerant.
EXPRESSING YOUR DISAPPOINTMENTS
What if I told you that it could become easier to assert yourself – like, really easier?
It won’t happen overnight.
But being able to assert yourself and set boundaries is the most rewarding result of a personal development journey.
The better you get to know yourself, the more you’ll know what your boundaries are.
This also gives you an immense power: that of stop tolerating the unacceptable.
And this comes with a tremendous amount of self-confidence.
Expressing your needs, disagreements, limits and preferences in a respectful manner allows you to be respected.
6. KNOWING YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT TO BUILD RESILIENCE
Are you reluctant to change?
How do you deal with uncertainty?
Change can make us feel very insecure. The good news is: one of the benefits of knowing yourself better is embracing change much easier.
The more we know ourselves, the more we find inner peace. And the more inner peace you have, the less you’ll be shaken by external events. And that’s why it is important to know yourself.
****
WE ALL NEED TO FEEL SAFE
The more you get to know yourself, the more you develop your sense of identity.
When you feel safe with yourself, the less you rely on external situations or people to make you feel safe.
It is often through stability that we find safety.
Some people find this stability in their home, for example. The problem is that if the house is the only source of stability we have, guess what will happen if something unexpected forces us to leave the house?
The same principle applies with everything we might attach our sense of self to in order to find stability: a job, people, objects, habits, a status, etc.
To be clear: it is not problematic to find stability through these things. The problem is when we ONLY rely onto these external factors to have a sense of security, or control.
To avoid this trap, the solution is to develop an unshakable sense of identity and find inner stability. That is why it’s important to get to know yourself better.
Our identity is the only things we truly have control over.
The more you’re connected with yourself, the more you’ll find the feeling of being grounded. And the more grounded you are, the less the changes that occur in your life are likely to affect you.
Therefore, be getting to know yourself, you’ll adapt to change more easily. You’ll build resilience.
The real benefit of building resilience is that it gives courage to make life changing decisions.
It helps to take action. It gives you the confidence to step out of your comfort zone. Because no matter what happens, you know your identity and our values will not be shaken.
Everyone can become more resilient by getting to know themselves better.
7. YOU’LL IMPROVE YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS AND CHOOSE BETTER YOUR FUTURE ONES
So far, I have mentioned that some of the benefits of knowing yourself better are building resilience, asserting yourself more confidently and set boundaries.
But why is all of this so important?
Because the result of all these internal changes are an massive strengthening of all your relationships, present and future.
****
The benefit for your relationships: You’ll ATTRACT THE RIGHT PEOPLE FOR YOU
There two ways your relationships will be improved: you’ll develop
a stronger connection with the right people;
and you’ll take a healthy distance from the wrong people (for you).
I want to add a nuance: by “wrong people”, I mean a person that is wrong FOR YOU.
I sincerely believe that everyone is deeply good, and I tend to see the best in everyone.
However, it is unrealistic to believe that we can connect with each of the 8 billion other human beings. And that they are all good for us.
We cannot share the same values and perspectives with everyone.
Some of our relationships have the potential to uplift us while others pull us down, no matter how “good” intentions are.
Reinforcing AND developing HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
That being said, we can strengthen our connections with the right people by opening up more to them.
The clearer our sense of identity is, the less scary it is to be vulnerable to others.
With people we trust, we can more easily reveal our “weaknesses”, or shall we say, challenges.
Thus, it increases the confidence that others will accept us as we are, without judgment.
And above all, getting to know yourself will help you to accept yourself as you are.
****
PUSHING AWAY UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
As for dealing with the “bad” relationships you entertain, knowing yourself better will definitely help.
By being more assertive and confident, you’ll stay far from unhealthy people.
People who don’t know you will realize that they cannot manipulate you easily. So they won’t even try.
People who are already in you circle will realize they can no longer get what they want from you. So they will probably decide to withdraw on their own.
If you’ve ever been scared of loosing a friendship by setting boundaries*… I’m raising a red flag for you right here, right now.
*If so, you might be interested in that article: How to Deal With Guilt in Toxic Friendships
On the other side, why would you want to keep hanging out with people who make you feel inadequate?
If someone pulls away because you set healthy boundaries, then how reciprocal is the relationship, really?
You might realize that you’re not fully capable of being yourself with certain people.
That might be caused by the fear of being judged, the fear of being misunderstood or because of the feeling of not being enough.
Whatever is it, that is confronting.
It’s hard to question our relationships… especially the long term ones. Trust me, I’ve been there.
If you’re in a unhealthy relationship, does not necessarily mean that you are in a relationship with a bad person.
You might have a unhealthy relationship with a good person.
The good news is that you can learn to set boundaries and improve a unhealthy relationship. If it doesn’t work out or if your feeling are not being validated by doing so, then you might need raise the “toxic” flag.
And this is why it is important to know yourself better.
To sum up, if you get yo know yourself and learn to express your needs by setting boundaries, you’ll attract healthy people close to you and keep unhealthy ones far away.
This goes for current but also future relationships.
Manipulators won’t even try you, while people who truly connect will be attracted to you.
****
are you wondering WHY you ALWAYS ATTRACT THE SAME TYPE OF PERSON?
Do you always attract a certain kind of person into your life? If so, I recommend that you ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you know your boundaries, meaning what’s your definition of acceptable and unacceptable?
- Do you know what you value most in relationships?
- Are the people in your circle sharing the same values as you?
- Are you able to express your needs and worries?
- Do you trust that someone will be able to listen to you if you share how you feel?
- If not, why?
I strongly suggest that you journal about these prompts. If you’ve never held a journal before, the following post will really help you:
Easy Journal Prompts for Beginners (What and How to Write)
****
CONCLUSION: THE BENEFITS OF KNOWING YOURSELF IS A LIFE OF PURPOSE
To sum up, getting to know yourself better will improve every area of your life, by giving you those skills:
- confidence and self-esteem
- management of emotions
- the ability to make decisions
- the ability to assert oneself
- resilience
- the ability to take action and make positive changes
- your relationships
Overall, a core benefit of knowing yourself better is to live a more authentic life.
The more confidence you gain, the clearer you are about our boundaries.
So, the less you compromise on what you keep or let go from your life.
Finally, the better we get to know ourselves, the more we make room in our lives for what we love.
We also get rid of what no longer serves us and what is unhealthy.
It is then that we realize how little we truly need to be happy.
THE REAL BENEFIT OF KNOWING YOURSELF IS THAT IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER.
SAVE ON PINTEREST
