The most common block in the way of setting boundaries is the feeling of guilt. We feel guilty for being selfish, for disappointing someone or for saying no. If you’re reading this, that means you’re willing to make a change. It’s not easy, and it’s brave. Here are 10 affirmations for boundaries that won’t make you feel (too) guilty saying.
Learning to set boundaries is hard. Learning to say no is hard. We don’t wake up one day deciding we won’t feel guilty speaking our truth. We will feel guilty at first. And that’s normal; that’s human.
The good news is that, with practise, you can become a master at setting boundaries without feeling guilty. Yes, without feeling guilty. The key is to allow guilt to creep in, to sit with it and to let it go.
I’m not saying this is going to be easy. It takes practise. It takes you to be willing to step out of your comfort zone, allow yourself to feel uncomfortable and allow yourself to feel guilty.
By doing so, you will learn that first, it’s okay to feel guilty. It’s not always okay to try and avoid that feeling. You just need time to adapt, and that feeling will fade away over time.
In addition, not only the feeling will fade away but you will learn how to cope with that feeling, without avoiding it.
Related articles:
> How To Say No With Confidence And Freedom From Guilt
> Understand and Get Rid of Your Toxic Feeling of Guilt
> 15 Affirmations for Self-Confidence to Help Set Better Boundaries
STOP TRYING TO AVOID DISCOMFORT
Chances are that you’re used to saying yes and make decisions to please other people. It’s easier. And you probably do that to avoid the overwhelming discomfort of speaking your truth… especially if it goes the opposite direction of everyone else wants.
So, without really thinking about what you want, you make decisions to please others. That way, you don’t feel guilty (as much), and you don’t feel discomfort (as much).
But the truth is, even if you’re trying to avoid these feelings, they come up anyway. You’re just trying to make them go away faster by ignoring your desires. So, you feel bad AND you make decisions that goes against what you really want.
Bottom line, you’re not doing yourself any favour.
How to break the pattern
So, how do we change this?
With practise. But it’s not realistic that you’ll wake up tomorrow feeling ultra confident to use affirmations for boundaries with everyone without feeling guilty.
The key is to start small. Start setting small boundaries in a way that eases the effect it has on other people. Learn to speak in a way that doesn’t trigger (too much) other people, and you’ll feel a lot less guilty setting boundaries.
10 affirmations for boundaries you won’t feel (too guilty) saying
2 ESSENTIAL Things to Remember
1. Even if you strongly feel like you owe someone an explanation, you don’t. Ever.
Read that again.
It’s the guilt of displeasing them that creeps in and makes you believe you should explain yourself. Fight this urge, and don’t.
We often feel that we need to give someone a good excuse to not be unavailable to them. We feel like we need to justify the fact that we cannot show up. And we feel that if we don’t have a “good” excuse, then we SHOULD show up.
That’s absolutely not true. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. And you have the right to decide you’re unavailable to someone… even if you don’t have plans.
Second, here’s another thing to remember:
2. Setting a boundary doesn’t have to sound rude to be effective. It can be done in a nice and compassionate way.
I use the following affirmations for boundaries all the time. And I’m pretty sure I’m not perceived as rude. Now that I’ve gained a lot of confidence setting boundaries, I’m very firm and assertive when I say no, yet also very kind and empathetic.
Learn to set boundaries without guilt
It all comes down to the way you express yourself. If you show confidence (even if that’s not how you’re feeling inside) and you come from a place of love, people will respect you. AND they won’t think you’re being rude.
The best thing is, the more you practise, the more your boundaries will become important to you. You’ll reach a point where you won’t care anymore what people think when you assert yourself.
Give yourself time, you will get to that point. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself, give yourself compassion. You’re human and you’re learning.
So, save this post and use it as many times as you need!
Save on Pinterest for later
Affirmations For Boundaries to Replace the Word “NO”
Use these affirmations for boundaries to say no without actually saying the word “no”. Mix and match and find your own winning formula.
- I’m okay, thank you.
- Thanks but I’ll pass. Until next time!
- I would have really liked to, but it won’t work for me.
- Not this time, thanks for asking.
- I appreciate the offer, but I’ll pass.
The key is to show appreciation (to give validation), and then to politely decline. For the other person, this decreases the upsetting effect of being rejected (told no). That way, you will feel less guilt and it will make the process way easier for you.
Affirmations for Boundaries to Replace Justifying Yourself
Sometimes, you feel like you owe someone an explanation, just because they asked you why you said no. But again, remember:
You don’t owe anyone anything.
You don’t owe anyone an answer to a question. So, when someone is upset with you saying no and asks for explanations, here’s how you can avoid giving it to them.
Just so you know, I say these things all the time. With a smile and a confident attitude, it politely lets people know that it’s not of their business.
And honestly, it shuts people up. And not in a mean way; it only shows them that there are boundaries and they need to respect them.
Again, mix and match these affirmations for boundaries and find what works best for you. The most important is that you find your own way to set boundaries in a way that feels right and authentic (I didn’t say comfortable!).
When someone asks “why not?”, you can say…
- Because I don’t want to
- It’s not my thing
- For personal reasons
- I don’t feel like doing it/going
- Because I’d rather not
The key is to be extra clear on the fact that you are not going to answer to that question. It teaches people that no matter your reason, what matters is that you said no. They are not entitled to know why.
Conclusion
We tend to feel guilty very fast when setting boundaries. And that guilt makes us believe that we owe someone an explanation for being unavailable. We don’t. This is the core mindset shift we need to make in order to be able to set boundaries with ease. But we won’t get there if we don’t practise. So, get to work!
Here’s a book I highly recommended to help letting go of guilt:
WAS THIS ARTICLE HELPFUL?
Get on my email list (below) for more tips on having the courage to speak up for yourself and make a change that will transform your life for the better. Then send me an email telling me about your breakthrough and wins following what you learned and practised from those tips!
