Setting boundaries is scary. So much so that a lot of women would rather tolerate uncomfortable situations than speaking up their truth. However, speaking the truth is how we’re going to change the world. Well, our world, at least. So here are 15 affirmations for self confidence you should remember every time you feel scared to set boundaries.
There are so many of us accepting inappropriate behaviours because “we don’t want to create drama”.
We tell ourself that “it’s not a big deal”. We believe that if we make it “a big deal”, we’re crazy, too sensitive, over dramatic… when it’s totally not true.
Our feelings and needs are valid, and we need to remember that.
That post is a reminder of that. These affirmations for self confidence are here to remind you that your feelings and needs are ALWAYS valid.
FIRST, STOP EXPECTING PEOPLE TO READ YOUR MIND
First, as much as we like to believe that every human is good and selfless, that’s just not the case. It’s beautiful to see the good in everyone.
However, it can be very destructive for you, if you refuse to see one’s true colours.
Good intentions are not an excuse for inappropriate behaviour, bad treatment, nor hurtful words.
It’s not because someone love us that they know how to treat us. Read that again.
How many times have you said to yourself: “oh but, they love me”, or “oh but they didn’t mean to hurt me”. Maybe not, but they did. And they are the ones who should take accountability for it.
But this is not going to happen if they don’t even know they hurt us.
It’s not because someone is close to us that they automatically know what we need.
They might know us enough to know what we like and dislike, but it takes time to really know someone and their deepest needs and desires.
As much as we would want people to read our minds, that’s just not realistic. So, don’t assume that people can read yours, no matter how much you think they know you.
If we want to be treated fairly, we need to show people how to treat us. Everyone has different needs. Hence, if we want to be happy and prevent resentment, we are going to need to speak up at some point.
Yes, it’s scary.
But the more we do it, the more we’re comfortable doing so. I promise, I went through it.
You might need to tell yourself affirmations for self confidence at first, but it gets easier. I promise the more you do it, the less you will need those affirmations for self confidence.
WHAT IT MEANS TO SET BOUNDARIES AND WHY YOU SHOULD DO IT
Sometimes, “speaking up” or setting a boundary involves silence. How many times have you forced yourself to say something to break the silence… just to avoid discomfort?
And sometimes, it’s the opposite. Sometimes we really DO need to speak up. How many times have you shut your mouth instead of speaking up… just to avoid discomfort?
The truth is, when you don’t speak your truth to avoid discomfort, YOU will still feel uncomfortable inside. And worst, the other person won’t have a clue of what’s happening.
Because you did it to avoid discomfort for THEM in the first place.
When we tolerate BS to avoid someone else discomfort, we’re betraying ourselves. We’re making OURSELF uncomfortable.
For a person who did or said something inappropriate in the first place. So how do we expect them to learn that’s it’s not okay if we shut ourselves out?
Well, it’s time for a change. These affirmations for self confidence will help you get started. They will help you set boundaries when you’re scared of doing so.
It will help you stop saying to yourself that everything that happens to you “is not a big deal”. If it’s making you uncomfortable, IT IS a big deal. And you deserve to express it. No matter what people think. You deserve to be around people who understand your needs, accept them and respect them. No less.
15 AFFIRMATIONS FOR SELF CONFIDENCE TO GIVE YOU COURAGE TO SET BOUNDARIES
Let’s start with 5 important affirmations for self confidence I believe you must always remember when learning to set boundaries.
1. My feelings and needs are valid
When we want to set boundaries, we might think of ourselves as too sensitive, or worst, needy. Whenever we have needs, we tend to think that we SHOULD NOT have them.
That our needs don’t matter. That’s absolutely not true. Sadly, it often prevents us from speaking our truth. This mindset has to change.
Let me tell you a secret: your sensitivity is your superpower. Embrace it.
EVEN if you’re a sensitive person (or you believe so), your needs are valid. And you deserve to be around people who will understand, respect and LOVE your sensitivity. Which leads me to the next affirmation.
2. I deserve to be heard and validated
Expressing our needs can be scary. Especially if we never had positive experiences doing so.
This can happen if our needs were not taken into consideration in childhood, or if we’ve been around people who have constantly been telling us that we are too sensitive.
No matter how much you believe you’re “overreacting”, you still need to be heard. You need to understand the nuance between FEELING and REACTING.
Maybe it’s possible to overreact… but there’s no such thing as over FEEL. You cannot control what feelings emerge from your interactions, neither how intense they are.
With that being said, let that be a reminder that expressing your feelings or setting a boundaries is meant to protect your internal peace. People who truly love and respect you WILL be willing to hear you out.
So, I know it can get scary, but expressing your needs and setting boundaries will earn you respect from the right people – and withdrawal of the wrong people for you. Which, on the long run, is only healthy for you.
3. If I don’t do anything about it, it will happen again
It is very tempting to talk ourself out of speaking up. We convince ourselves that a behaviour is acceptable ONE TIME.
But you and I both know that if it happens once… it will happen again. Unless we have the courage to speak up.
How many times have you tolerated someone’s inappropriate behaviour, hoping it would change over time.
Hoping that people would suddenly understand by themselves how they make us feel… without us having to say anything. Wouldn’t that be convenient if everyone could read our mind?
It’s time to stop believing that everyone is an empath like you are. Not everyone has the sensitivity to read the room and feel the discomfort of others.
Remember I told you that your sensitivity is your superpower. Well, it really is.
You are gifted with sensitivity and have a natural tendency to be in touch with how other people feel.
I hate to break it to you, but most people are not like you. And if you want to live a satisfying life where all your needs are met, you’re going to have to speak up.
4. Setting a boundary doesn’t make me a mean person, no matter what people think
If you’re involved with someone who tend to make you feel guilty for “mistreating” them, even though you feel that you’re always going head over heels for them, this one is important.
You need to remind yourself that you are kind and empathetic person, even if you set boundaries.
Related post: How To Deal With Guilt In Toxic Friendships
One of the biggest struggles when learning to set boundaries is the feeling of guilt that arises from speaking our truth.
We often feel guilty for making someone go through uncomfortable feelings. But the truth is… it’s not our responsibility.
As much as we feel bad, it’s time to stop making other people’s discomfort guide all of our decisions.
Yes, some of our decisions will displease other people. But honestly… it is what it is. Really… this is just life.
As you are sometimes disappointed by other’s people decisions, people will be disappointed by yours. And that doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
And if they do stop loving you because you set a boundary… it’s time to question your relationship with them.
Related post: How to Be Free of Guilt in Relationships
5. It’s not my job to protect someone’s ego
If you’re involved with someone you barely know, and you can feel that they might take your boundary personally, remember that their ego is not your responsibility.
Yes, it might feel uncomfortable to challenge them. Yes, you might feel guilty, mean or rude. But it’s not the truth (remember #4).
Someone’e ego should not dictate how you express yourself. If someone has a strong reaction with you setting a boundary… they’re the ones who have work to do, not the other way around.
So, as much as ego can be intimidating, especially when you HATE conflict and would do anything to avoid it, hold your ground. It will be very rewarding.
The next 10 affirmations for self confidence have the purpose to remind you that your needs are valid.
And no matter how sensitive you think you are, you deserve to be heard. Write down the ones that resonate the most with you, and use them as many times as you need!
Related post: Why You Feel Guilty For Putting Yourself First
10 affirmations for self confidence to help set boundaries
- I don’t need to prove anything to anyone
- I am not overreacting by setting a boundary
- If someone really cares about me, they will respect my boundaries
- It’s okay if the person doesn’t understand – my feelings are still valid
- I won’t try to convince anyone than I’m worthy of their respect
- I won’t let someone else convince me I’m wrong for having feelings
- No matter who I talk to, I am equal and deserve respect
- Other people’s feelings to my boundaries are not my responsibility
- I am willing to be brave and speak up
- I won’t let anyone convince me that I’m crazy, too much, over dramatic [insert your biggest fear/trigger]
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Conclusion
Setting boundaries is a big part of healing people pleasing and other toxic habits we’ve had with ourselves and others. It is very brave to be willing to speak up our truth. It is scary.
But I promise, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Keep these affirmations for self confidence close and start speaking up for yourself!
