In this post I’ll address how exactly your fear of being judged is holding you back (and what it means, exactly).
This might be a challenging post to read.
Understanding that your fear hold you back is one thing. But facing it takes courage.
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What it means to be holding back out of fear
Simply put, be holding back means to not let yourself be yourself.
It can take many different forms.
Holding back from being who we are generally implies that we’re not expressing who we are.
Here are some life examples of holding back (+ their associated belief):
- not saying your opinion (because who are you to give an opinion)
- not asking questions (because you’re going to look stupid)
- not trying a new skill (because you’ll look like a newbie)
- not being goofy (because you’ll look ridiculous)
The reasons why we hold back are called limiting beliefs.
And we’re often not aware that we have them.
But these beliefs are exactly why your fear of being judged is holding you back.
Related posts:
7 Reasons Why It’s Important To Know Yourself
The Origins of The Fear of Being Judged
Overcome your fear of being judged
I’m no psychologist.
If you feel like the fear of being judged affects your well-being or your mental health, get support from a professional. I certainly did.
This is not something anyone should go through alone, even if you feel like “you should get over it yourself.”
You can find licensed mental health professional online and get support fast on Calmerry.
Why you’re holding back
We suppress our true nature when we’re scared to be rejected.
We fear that who we truly are might be not good enough, or too much.
Maybe you have many different personalities for different set ups in your life.
Maybe the way you show up with your family is different from how you show up with your friends and from how you show up with coworkers.
This works if you want to fit it.
It works if you want people to like you.
Or actually, to prevent people from not liking you.
Problem is, the more you hide who you are, the more you strengthen your belief that you are not good enough.
And that’s a cycle we need to break.
Related post: The Origins of the Fear of Being Judged
6 Reasons why your fear of being judged is holding you back
Pretending to be someone we’re not sucks all the energy out of you.
So let me tell you 6 ways your fear of being judged is REALLY holding you back from achieving your full potential.
1. You don’t get what you want
If you’re scared of being judged, chances are that you don’t always ask for what you want.
You might fear that people will think you’re needy, weak or demanding.
First, believing you’re weak for asking for help is the biggest lie you’ve ever told yourself and you need to stop believing it.
Asking for help (or for anything, really) is actually a sign of great strength.
It takes the courage to be vulnerable, but also the strength to recognize our blind spots.
Asking for what you want, whether it’s in a relationship, at work or at a restaurant, will do two things.
First, the more you ask, the more you’ll get the confidence to ask. It’ll become easier as you practise.
Second, you’ll start attracting only people who accept you for who you are and who are willing to be there for you.
No one needs to hang out with people who make them feel too much or not good enough.
And what’s the worst that can happen if you ask?
You’ll either get what you want or you won’t, which in that case will say a lot about how your growth is limited.
2. You miss opportunities
Whether you’re scared of trying new things, speak up or ask for something, every time you let your fear of being judged hold you back, you miss opportunities, big time.
If you don’t speak up, you won’t connect with people who agree with you.
If you don’t try new things, you might not find your true passion or calling.
When you don’t ask for something, you never know if you could actually have it or not.
Most people are scared to look stupid when trying new things.
They compete themselves and forget that everyone started as a beginner.
But the truth is, if you want to become really good at something, you’ll have to be bad at it first.
So stop missing out on opportunities because you’re scared of what people will think.
People won’t think anything, your the only only judging yourself.
3. You miss true connections
Deep connections happen when two people are able to be themselves around each other.
The fear of being judged is holding you back from building deep connections because it prevents you from being yourself.
If you can’t show your true self, the people you attract are the ones who like the tamed version of you.
And the people who would absolutely love you for everything you are probably won’t be attracted to that tamed version of you.
This can result in one sided relationships.
Is that a pattern you recognize?
If you have a tendency to be a people pleaser, on one hand, you might attract selfish people who like that you always make it up to them.
And on the other hand, you won’t connect with people who want a reciprocal relationship.
4. You limit your potential
If the fear of being judged is holding you back from trying new things, it seems obvious how it’s holding you back from learning new skills.
For example, if you never try something new because you’re scared to look like a beginner… you’ll never pass that point of actually being a beginner – a necessary step to become good at something.
Another example is if you don’t speak up because you’re scared of what people will think of you.
If you don’t say what you think, people will never know how resourceful you are.
That could be a problem at work, for example.
If you always have smart ideas but never communicate them because you’re scared of being judged, no one is ever going to know how smart you are.
Your boss might not consider giving you a raise or more responsibilities… just because she/he doesn’t know that you have what it takes.
5. You might never find your true passion
You fear of being judged is holding you back from trying new things, follow your gut feelings, take risks and make brave decisions.
In other words, it makes you stay in your comfort zone. Even if your comfort zone is not good for you.
You don’t grow or move forward when you don’t get out of your comfort zone.
Passion is found through action, and action is fueled by passion.
In other words, if you don’t try things, you’ll never know if you actually like them or not.
Everyone has passions.
If you feel like you don’t, you simply haven’t found yours yet.
Going on a self-discovery journey is on of the best ways to do it.
In other words, take action.
Other helpful posts:
6. You’ll live with regrets
Finally, your fear of being judged holds you back from fulfilment and happiness in your life.
The reason is, you’ll always feel in your gut what you “should’ve” done or tried.
Like it’s too late.
I know the feeling.
That feeling shouldn’t be ignored. That gut feeling is telling you exactly what you need to do to find your passion and grow.
This takes the form of regret when you never follow through with a calling you have.
That calling is like a fire burning inside telling you that you should learn an instrument, travel, start a business, etc.
And it will be there until you decide to do something about it. To face your fear and take action.
And if you never take action… that calling will transform into regret… growing stronger and stronger as you try to bury it.
Regret is a sign that, at some point, you have ignored your gut feeling.
CONCLUSION
The fear of being judged is holding you back if you let it dictate your actions. It’s your choice to make brave decisions and go for what you want, no matter how scared you are. So gather your courage, feel the fear and do it anyway.
Overcome your fear with the help of a licensed mental health professional with Calmerry.
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Marijana Čuvalo
When you don’t ask for something, you never know if you could actually have it or not. – needed this reminder. Thank you!
Carol
If you don’t speak up you won’t find people who agree with you…. good point. This is a great post that hits home. I definitely have this fear. I hold back. It’s hard. I’m sure there are a lot of reasons for it. YOu are right that we don’t grow unless we leave our comfort zones- it’s one step at a time but I have made progress!
Marie-Pier Portier
I believe a lot of us hold back. Being true to ourselves no matter what is the work of a lifetime!