Want to know exactly my secret to overcoming my fear of being judged? The answer is simple: I overcame my own insecurities.
The one thing I had to realize was that the only person really judging yourself is… yourself.
The concept is simple.
The process, however, is not.
Related post: How To Get Rid of Your Fear of Being Judged on Social Media
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I’ve always been an open minded and compassionate person.
I would accept people for who they are and let them be.
Except for some people.
And that’s something I realized not so long ago, when I started my self-development journey.
With some people, I was extremely judgmental.
But why?
Why would I be so judgmental with some people, but so open minded with others that were so different than me?
And then it hit me.
The more a person was like me, the more judgmental I was with them.
The more different a person was, the easier it was for me to accept them for who they are.
I realized that there were parts of me that I hadn’t accepted yet.
I was not fully accepting myself for who I am.
And when I saw those parts of me in other people, I would feel triggered.
I would feel ashamed.
Therefore, I was judgmental with them.
In other words, if someone would do anything I would never let myself do out of fear of being judged, I would judge them.
That realization hit hard.
Where the fear of being judged comes from
This life lesson thought me that when you’re afraid of being judged, you simply see your own insecurities through the eyes of other people.
In other words, you think people judge you for behaviours that YOU are actually the only one to judge.
Makes sense?
Other people, they’re not judging you.
You are judging yourself.
Related post: The Origins of The Fear of Being Judged
4 Steps for overcoming the fear of being judged
I’ll go straight to the point.
If you want to overcome your fear of being judged, you need to accept the parts of you that you’re ashamed of.
You need to dig deep inside of you and do some healing.
The strategies I’m sharing helped me to overcome my fear of being judged.
But that’s not the one and only road.
And I’m warning you, this is not easy, nor fast.
Overcoming that fear is probably one of the deepest inner work you’ll ever do.
It won’t happen overnight, but the journey is totally worth it, trust me.
Related post: 6 Ways The Fear of Being Judged is Holding You Back
1. Getting aware of my triggers
The first step in making a change is acknowledging that something needs to change.
Therefore, the first step in overcoming my fear of being judged was to acknowledge what I needed to heal.
I needed to identify exactly what behaviours I wanted to stop feeling judged for.
And I did that by identifying the behaviours I was judging in other people.
In my case, I would judge people for not “being smart” or being “too loud” because I was afraid to look stupid and I often felt like I was “too much”.
Now, your turn.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What behaviours make me cringe?
- Do I ever feel ashamed of my friends when I’m with them? What are they doing when I feel this way?
- What type of social media content am I rolling my eyes to?
- What behaviours makes me think: “I would never do that”?
Start paying attention when you feel judgmental.
But try to not judge yourself for that. (Told you, this process is hard).
Start a journal and take notes.
2. Get out of your comfort zone
Now that you’ve identified what parts of yourself you’re not accepting, you need to break the cycle of shame.
And you’ll do that by slowly, little by little, doing things that push you out of your comfort zone.
Now you don’t have to do anything extreme.
Everyone has their own level of risk tolerance and you need to find yours.
For example, you can start by wearing a piece of clothes that you really like but you feel judged wearing.
And yes, you’ll feel very self-conscious when you do this.
But you’ll get used to it, and one day you won’t care anymore.
And that’s exactly how you’ll be able to overcome your fear of being judged, step by step.
Related post: Challenging Journal Prompts for Women’s Self Growth
3. Journal about your fear and how it affects you
Let me tell you about how I started journaling.
I had just broke up with my boyfriend and felt totally lost.
It wasn’t my first break up. But it was different this time.
I had the feeling that I needed to spend A LOT of time alone before I could be in a relationship again.
But I was almost 30.
At 29 and recently single… I started to believe that I was too late. I missed the boat.
How would I ever find a good person at this age? Especially that I felt it would take years before I’m ready to open up again.
Saying I was overthinking is an understatement.
My brain was boiling.
So I started journaling.
At first, I only took my journal when “I felt that I needed it”.
Meaning when something was occupying my mind so much that I couldn’t think straight anymore.
When this would happen, I could journal for hours.
So I started to make it a habit instead.
I started to journal every single morning. I would get up, make myself a coffee, sit in my couch and write.
At first I thought I wouldn’t know what to write.
But trust me… this wasn’t a problem.
When you start writing everything that’s on your mind, no matter how crazy you think it sounds… you simply cannot stop.
This was 4 years ago.
4 years of journaling. And I can’t describe how much it changed my life.
As of today, this is part of my daily morning routine, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
When I’m writing those lines, I’ve been travelling for almost 2 years and guess what… I’ve been journaling every single day since I left home.
Journaling has been such a great part in my healing, personal growth and self-discovery journey.
And I think it can help you, too.
My best advice: start now, and start small.
This post can help you get started.
Start with 2 minutes a day. 2 lines a day.
It doesn’t matter. Just start.
Make it a habit, and I promise you’ll thank me later.
Shop eco-friendly journals here
4. Don’t do this alone
Overcoming the fear of being judged alone is almost impossible.
We feel judged because we are ashamed of certain parts of us.
It’s very hard to overcome that feeling when there’s no one telling us that we have nothing to be ashamed of.
Because that’s not what we deeply believe.
And changing a deep belief about ourselves is one of the hardest thing we’ll ever do.
Related post: 7 Reasons Why It’s Important To Know Yourself
For so long I resisted the idea of seeing a therapist.
“I don’t need therapy” and “I’m not depressed” were the two things I would tell myself the most when I was thinking of therapy.
When I started my life transformation journey, I felt lost.
I read every book on self-development I could find and was journaling every day.
Which helped me a lot… but slooooowly.
There’s only so many pages I could read in a day.
But when I finally started therapy… I realized it was not about healing depression or needing help.
It was about getting a coach that would guide me in the right direction and accelerate my growth.
Big time.
I’m grateful for the growth and transformation I went though in the past years.
I’m proud of the woman I’ve become, especially when I look back where I started.
But if there’s one thing I wish I did sooner, it’s seeking help from a professional.
If you’re here, you’re looking for solutions to overcome your fear of being judged and grow as a person.
You know how much your fear is blocking you from achieving your full potential.
So here’s my first advice: get support from a professional.
The good thing about 2023 is that we can do it online (try Calmerry!).
You can even start through text messaging if you’re not ready for live sessions!
Find a licensed professional online here.
4. Follow inspirational content
Finally, find inspiration everywhere you can.
Follow people who inspire you on social media.
Read self-help books, listen to motivational podcasts.
The more you consume this kind of content, the more it’ll eventually sink in.
Instagram accounts I follow:
Self-help books that helped me:
Feel the fear and do it anyway
Overcoming the fear of being judged: summary
Being able to be yourself without caring what anything thinks is truly a blessing.
Take that from a girl who has tamed her personality for 30 years and finally overcame her fear of being judged.
These strategies might take time and whole process might be hard… but you don’t deserve to hide yourself.
You deserve to accept who you really are without fear of being judged.
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